Jumping beans
I'm sitting in front of my laptop in my room, with one shoe on my left foot. It is a rather generic black leather heeled shoe with a square toe and white-thread detail for interest. I am trying to season it: the left shoe more than the right shoe, because the right side was used as display, and hence already slightly seasoned.
I start work tomorrow. And with classic, impeccable timing, I found this - not to say perfect - but definitely in the realm of acceptable, pair of shoes for work yesterday after maybe half an hour or forty-five minutes of breezing in and out of two department stores and two shoe stores.
I don't really like shopping. Or at least, I'm not in the habit or shopping, or even window-shopping. And I'm not at all a savvy shopper - I have no patience for Sales, the highlight of every shopper's life. Popping in and out of a few stores without finding what I'm looking for infuriates me, and I almost never make a shopping expedition (of the window kind or otherwise) unless I have a specific goal.
In this case, I needed a pair of shoes.
Over the past few months, people have asked me: "So how do you feel about starting work?"
About six months ago, I felt relieved that I had a job offer, but I was rather dreading the start of work itself. I wanted the last five, six months of my student life to stretch out interminably. Time: the elastic band with length 6-mois.
Over the past couple of months however, I have been feeling edgy. I feel like there's a little Mexican jumping bean inside of me. What cause: Exam-craze? Roadtrip-fever? Work-anxiety?
The past fortnight, I have been feeling even worse. I am gripped by a kind of numbness. I feel almost shell-shocked. I want to write, but the ideas come and go, without me being able to hold on to any one thought long enough to transcribe it. The emotions and motivation I feel flashes intermittenly. Like one of those hand-powered film reels with flashes of black between each frame if you don't turn it quickly enough.
Again, I don't know how much of it is due to my own confusion, how much to a post-adventure depression, how much of it is attributable to the stress of having my parents here, and how much of it is work excitement-anxiety.
I just want the days to pass quickly. Day one of work. Then the ticking clock and soon my life will resume a kind of normalcy.
I start work tomorrow. And with classic, impeccable timing, I found this - not to say perfect - but definitely in the realm of acceptable, pair of shoes for work yesterday after maybe half an hour or forty-five minutes of breezing in and out of two department stores and two shoe stores.
I don't really like shopping. Or at least, I'm not in the habit or shopping, or even window-shopping. And I'm not at all a savvy shopper - I have no patience for Sales, the highlight of every shopper's life. Popping in and out of a few stores without finding what I'm looking for infuriates me, and I almost never make a shopping expedition (of the window kind or otherwise) unless I have a specific goal.
In this case, I needed a pair of shoes.
Over the past few months, people have asked me: "So how do you feel about starting work?"
About six months ago, I felt relieved that I had a job offer, but I was rather dreading the start of work itself. I wanted the last five, six months of my student life to stretch out interminably. Time: the elastic band with length 6-mois.
Over the past couple of months however, I have been feeling edgy. I feel like there's a little Mexican jumping bean inside of me. What cause: Exam-craze? Roadtrip-fever? Work-anxiety?
The past fortnight, I have been feeling even worse. I am gripped by a kind of numbness. I feel almost shell-shocked. I want to write, but the ideas come and go, without me being able to hold on to any one thought long enough to transcribe it. The emotions and motivation I feel flashes intermittenly. Like one of those hand-powered film reels with flashes of black between each frame if you don't turn it quickly enough.
Again, I don't know how much of it is due to my own confusion, how much to a post-adventure depression, how much of it is attributable to the stress of having my parents here, and how much of it is work excitement-anxiety.
I just want the days to pass quickly. Day one of work. Then the ticking clock and soon my life will resume a kind of normalcy.
1 Comments:
hey darling.....all the best for your first day at work!
By
vyanne, at 4:21 PM
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